What I learned in acting class: why acting is not for me [101 in 1001]

1. You have to be serious. They do not like you if you are not serious.
2. You have to be able to take feedback and absorb it without over thinking.
3. Do not over think.
4. Do not act; respond.
5. There is alway someone better.
6. You are not as good as you think you are.

Growing up, I always wanted to be an actress. It seemed glamorous and an enviable profession, and I’m one of those people where if I don’t try to at least do something I think I want to do, I’d be mad at myself.

When I was 14, I decided I wanted to pursue acting. I researched how to get signed with an agency and how my favorite actors got to where they were. I went to the library and checked out monologue books. I looked up six reputable agencies within Houston and read up on their submission process. That summer, I went to Shanghai and had professional headshots taken. I printed out my resume (complete with all the middle school plays I had done), attached them to the back and mailed them out. Out of the six, I got call backs from three. I eventually signed with one, and the end product was me eventually being in a McDonald’s commercial that aired overseas (where in the final cut you could only see my shoulder – ha).

The entire ordeal was kind of disappointing. Perhaps because Houston is not the market to launch an acting career, but also out of the two years that I was signed with the agency, I was only sent on one audition (which I landed). When they asked if I wanted to renew, I declined. I felt I had pursued my goal and to a certain degree, I had succeeded. I was in a commercial! I got to experience what it was like to go on an audition, be on a set, and be filmed. At that point, my pursuits in graphic design were showing better success and I decided that’s the direction I was going to move in.

Years later, I found myself still wondering — what if I pursued harder? What if I kept at it? I hate questions like that. I’m very much a one-track mind person. This was a path that was a huge fork from my current one. I don’t do one foot in and one foot out ordeals. So, do I give it all up and pursue full on?

Last week, I signed up for an acting class on a whim. In the two hours that followed, my childhood dreams were duly extinguished. I realized and learned –with relief– that I have other dreams and ambitions I care way more about that I am not willing to throw away.

I also learned what acting really is, not the glamorized Hollywood version that I fell in love with. It’s about how good your imagination is at recreating an environment as a character while absorbing and understanding the politics, culture and events of the time and place. It is not self-expression or creating your version of a role. It’s throwing yourself out the window and living moment to moment as someone else and all of this exists purely in your mind. The respect I have for professional actors, especially in theater, has grown exponentially.

And I finally realized why acting wasn’t for me: I want to be me for a living, not a blank slate to channel the voice of a script. Bringing words to life is definitely a talent, but I think my talents are in expressing myself. I don’t want to be liked as a character I play, I want to be liked for me. I want to be ME for a living. Acting is the antithesis.

So… do they teach classes on how to be you for a living?