Challenge: Do something that scares you (being alone)

Posted on March 31, 2012 by Liang Shi

“Do what scares you.”

A friend of mine casually said this to me a couple of weeks ago, and I really haven’t been able to shake it off. It’s not something new or provocative, but hearing it at the right time and right place really struck a chord in me.

I like the idea of challenging myself and took it up as a personal goal. I was going to do what scared me… but what was I afraid of? It didn’t take me long to conclude that one thing I constantly avoided was: being alone.

Being alone is fucking scary.

I hate being by myself in public places. Whether it’s a grocery store, restaurant or even a dark movie theater–I hate it. It’s just plain uncomfortable. The awkwardness of looking like you’re okay by yourself while everyone else is in a group — hate it!

Recently, I’ve started to wonder if there was just something about me that I couldn’t cope with. Why was being out with myself such a deplorable thing to do? Did I hate myself? No, obviously not — so why did I not like being by myself?

So here’s a challenge to me (and I encourage you to try it with me if you’re also someone who hates being alone) throughout the next month and beyond: go on dates with myself.

I will do the following things with myself at least once:

[  ] eat at a restaurant that I really like
[  ] go to a performance alone (a play, show, etc.) that I know I will thoroughly enjoy

      • 3.31.2012 – bought myself a ticket to see Jiro Dreams of Sushi tonight. NVM – found some friends who also wanted to go.

[  ] whenever someone bails on me with plans, go anyway
[  ] take a trip alone to somewhere I’ve always wanted to visit
[  ] go to a bar alone (a fancy one… not one that I would be mistaken as trying to pick up dudes)

The objective will be to learn a little bit more about myself by breaking out of my comfort zone. It’s also to learn how to handle any situation (solo), meet new people and just break the mold of what a typical night out looks like for me.

Wish me luck!

Posted in Challenge, Personal | 7 Comments
  • http://dreaminpictures.com Michael Cummings

    I have had to learn to do things myself recently as well. It is fucking scary like you say. I am always around people, and I draw energy from crowds, but I’ve come to this really sad realization as of late that while I do work very well with others, I don’t work on what I love.

    What does that even mean? It means I am constantly loving working with others, but I’m delaying working on myself, and my own passions, and all because I have a desire to just be around people all the time.

    Fact: Since I left for college in 2001 I have never lived alone.

    I am working on this, and I cannot say with total accuracy that I will ever truly be okay with just being by myself, but certain times in my life I have enjoyed the solitude and the clarity of thinking that it can bring

    • Liang Shi

      I’m curious to know, what exactly is it that you love to do? And why can you not work on it with other people?

      Regardless of the answer, I hope you take some “me” time for yourself in the future!

  • Adam C.

    First off, great work on going against your fears and doing something out of your comfort zone. As for the being alone part, after the initial break through on spending that time by yourself, it becomes easier and less “awkward.” For work, I travel quick frequently, and in my line of work, I’m not always engaged with a project group to explore the city or to dine.

    Word of advice, dinner at the bar of a restaurant is a great experience, especially if it’s a slower night for them. That gives the bartender more time to chit chat with you, who can give great insight into places to visit in the city if you’re new to it.

    I tend to do a lot of those things on your list by myself, except the go to a performance or show part. I will have to give that a try which I plan to do so in the future, but curious as to how your experience with it went.

    • Liang Shi

      Thanks for the words of encouragement! Still haven’t done much off of this list, but I did go to an improv class alone yesterday. I think a lot of it is just learning to let go of caring about what others think of you.

      • Adam C.

        I think it’s more along the lines of pulling yourself into a state of independence and being comfortable doing things we typically share with someone else. Don’t fall into the pitfall of not caring what others think of you, there’s a fine line that should be kept there to avoid social disaster :)

        Not completely sure you’re in the same situation but, I found myself turning to a smartphone in situations where I’m alone at places (possibly out of addiction to it), so I tend to force myself to NOT do that in order to get out of that shell.

  • http://www.whykyra.com/crouching/ Kyra Dosch-Klemer

    I agree that doing things alone can be really intimidating (i.e. scary as hell!) but after it’s done it makes me feel GREAT! A martini alone can actually be fun. I still feel very self conscious dining alone, but I’m sure there’s pleasure in there somewhere. The motto that I’ve tried to stick with (I don’t always succeed of course but it does help) is “feel the fear and do it anyway”. And the old “What’s the worst that can happen?” makes it easier sometimes too. Oh, and I agree with Adam C., it’s so easy to pull out the smartphone, but then we’re not REALLY alone, are we? Ditch it and sit with the discomfort. Good luck!

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